A Visit

My family left for home exactly a week ago, the day before Chinese New Year. Since that time, I’ve seen what I hope to be the true life of a Chinese family. After the 3 boys disappeared into the abyss of the Pudong Shanghai airport Zhang and I left the airport. I don’t know why I even bothered to put makeup on that day since it quickly came off from the tears. It took us a little while to find the van because he had forgotten where he parked it. I too could tell that it was because he will miss the kids and Darrell. And even though he didn’t say anything, he knew how sad I was to be without my family. I had plans on going to work for a couple of hours in the afternoon, but I wasn’t feeling up to it. As we were driving he slowed the van down at a junction and asked me if I wanted to see his home and meet his family. I said sure, not knowing quite what to expect, but also knowing that this would be a great opportunity to see a traditional Chinese family.

We drove through a narrow alley and parked the van in a very small concrete slot next to vegetable crops. His family housing consists of four 2 story houses that were built in 1983. I would estimate that each house is approximately 1000 square feet with the kitchen, 1 bathroom, and a living/family room on the 1st level. Upstairs is two bedrooms and a bathroom. He, his wife and daughter live one house, his sister and her family in another, his parents in the 3rd, and an uncle in the fourth. They share a courtyard together for the kids to play, wash and hang laundry, do cleaning chores and relax together as a family. One thing I didn’t anticipate was the lack of heat in the houses and I now understand why I see the Chinese wearing so many layers of clothes, including the babies. I knew how much I take for granted, but I now realize how wonderful having heat in our homes really is. Imagine going camping in your home when it’s near freezing outside.

I was instantly greeted by the entire neighborhood, looking through windows and peeking around corners. Zhang told me many of the people in his village had only seen laowai (foreinger) on TV. It was a sunny day so everyone was outside enjoying the warmth. He introduced me to his mom, mom’s sister, wife, daughter and a cousin. Several of the family members weren’t home because they were working. I had heard that the Chinese love to have visitors and the expectation is that you will be “catered”. Well, this is true, they had me sit in a short little chair (short for me because I was at least a foot taller than most of them), and brought me a plate of fruit and a plate of various nuts and candies. His mom sat down next to me, asked me if I was cold (she did the same thing to Eric when he went to visit, except he was wearing shorts, that story is for a different time) and was just fascinated with my hair. She kept touching playing with it. We tried to have conversations which proved difficult but everything seemed quite peaceful. I certainly wasn’t nervous and his family seemed pretty relaxed too.

Me, Zhang Peijun, his wife Ming and daugter Zhang Yue. Notice the little chairs.

Zhang Yue and some of her friends.As the afternoon progressed on and the sun moved away from the courtyard it began to cool off. I’d had my share of fruit, snacks and tea and I was starting to get a little tired. He must have sensed this because he asked if I was ready to go. He drove me back to my apartment with quick stop at the local supermarket on the way to pick up a couple of things. My apartment was lonely with no noise from the kids or Odis, kind of an eerie feeling being alone and it takes some getting used to. Zhang asked what I was doing on Tuesday and if I’d be interested in spending the day with his family. The holiday week is slower since no one is in the office so I said yes.